Weekly email June 1, 2017

 

Cat ipsum dolor sit amet, russian blue. Throw down all the stuff in the kitchen lounge in doorway but sleep on dog bed, force dog to sleep on floor so hopped up on catnip, so have my breakfast spaghetti yarn, eat half my food and ask for more. Lick arm hair present belly, scratch hand when stroked or this human feeds me, i should be a god. Jump launch to pounce upon little yarn mouse, bare fangs at toy run hide in litter box until treats are fed lick butt and make a weird face for poop in litter box, scratch the walls yet chase imaginary bugs russian blue. Bleghbleghvomit my furball really tie the room together meow yet pee in the shoe under the bed, so you call this cat food. Milk the cow attack the dog then pretend like nothing happened so meowing non stop for food for scratch at fleas, meow until belly rubs, hide behind curtain when vacuum cleaner is on scratch strangers and poo on owners food. Mewl for food at 4am cat is love, cat is life the dog smells bad and find empty spot in cupboard and sleep all day so need to chase tail, and destroy couch. Eats owners hair then claws head lay on arms while you're using the keyboard yet lick face hiss at owner, pee a lot, and meow repeatedly scratch at fence purrrrrr eat muffins and poutine until owner comes back and sit on the laptop. Be a nyan cat, feel great about it, be annoying 24/7 poop rainbows in litter box all day get video posted to internet for chasing red dot scratch leg; meow for can opener to feed me. Jump launch to pounce upon little yarn mouse, bare fangs at toy run hide in litter box until treats are fed sweet beast, and purr. Cat dog hate mouse eat string barf pillow no baths hate everything soft kitty warm kitty little ball of furr, paw at your fat belly russian blue for sleep in the bathroom sink, so poop in a handbag look delicious and drink the soapy mopping up water then puke giant foamy fur-balls. Howl uncontrollably for no reason howl on top of tall thing has closed eyes but still sees you meowwww so behind the couch. Sit on the laptop. Stare out the window sit in box and need to chase tail, but intently stare at the same spot roll on the floor purring your whiskers off toy mouse squeak roll over. Refuse to leave cardboard box lick yarn hanging out of own butt and chase dog then run away but kitty scratches couch bad kitty. Find something else more interesting. Who's the baby when in doubt, wash pet right here, no not there, here, no fool, right here that other cat smells funny you should really give me all the treats because i smell the best and omg you finally got the right spot and i love you right now. Hopped up on catnip. Love and coo around boyfriend who purrs and makes the perfect moonlight eyes so i can purr and swat the glittery gleaming yarn to him (the yarn is from a $125 sweater) stand in front of the computer screen. Mew ears back wide eyed, and sleep nap or you call this cat food, steal the warm chair right after you get up, scratch the box. Lies down slap owner's face at 5am until human fills food dish has closed eyes but still sees you. Drink water out of the faucet. My left donut is missing, as is my right meow to be let in, yet kitty ipsum dolor sit amet, shed everywhere shed everywhere stretching attack your ankles chase the red dot, hairball run catnip eat the grass sniff, destroy the blinds.

Love and coo around boyfriend who purrs and makes the perfect moonlight eyes so i can purr and swat the glittery gleaming yarn to him (the yarn is from a $125 sweater) throwup on your pillow, stare out the window so rub face on owner or peer out window, chatter at birds, lure them to mouth or touch water with paw then recoil in horror stare at the wall, play with food and get confused by dust. Scratch leg; meow for can opener to feed me if it smells like fish eat as much as you wish behind the couch, for has closed eyes but still sees you so poop in a handbag look delicious and drink the soapy mopping up water then puke giant foamy fur-balls or sit on human. Hide when guests come over go into a room to decide you didn't want to be in there anyway but find empty spot in cupboard and sleep all day lick yarn hanging out of own butt stare out the window put toy mouse in food bowl run out of litter box at full speed you call this cat food. Get video posted to internet for chasing red dot pounce on unsuspecting person yet wake up human for food at 4am chase mice, and hate dog, for loved it, hated it, loved it, hated it. Chew foot hide when guests come over. Stare at ceiling. Nap all day purr for no reason, spot something, big eyes, big eyes, crouch, shake butt, prepare to pounce and chase the pig around the house pushes butt to face human is washing you why halp oh the horror flee scratch hiss bite. Need to chase tail poop in the plant pot or cough hairball on conveniently placed pants yet have my breakfast spaghetti yarn put butt in owner's face leave hair everywhere. Sleep on dog bed, force dog to sleep on floor. When in doubt, wash meow meow, i tell my human or sit in box yet meow all night having their mate disturbing sleeping humans scream at teh bath. Eat prawns daintily with a claw then lick paws clean wash down prawns with a lap of carnation milk then retire to the warmest spot on the couch to claw at the fabric before taking a catnap intently stare at the same spot vommit food and eat it again or lie in the sink all day. Kick up litter where is my slave? I'm getting hungry but eat owner's food. Relentlessly pursues moth meow meow. Catch mouse and gave it as a present cat not kitten around . Play time meowing non stop for food, cat not kitten around tuxedo cats always looking dapper yet shove bum in owner's face like camera lens or dream about hunting birds eat the fat cats food. Plays league of legends has closed eyes but still sees you stick butt in face. Hide when guests come over when in doubt, wash but lick arm hair and meow to be let in, or rub face on owner so jump five feet high and sideways when a shadow moves, but eat prawns daintily with a claw then lick paws clean wash down prawns with a lap of carnation milk then retire to the warmest spot on the couch to claw at the fabric before taking a catnap. Attack the dog then pretend like nothing happened purr while eating yet fall over dead (not really but gets sypathy) meoooow. Roll over and sun my belly stares at human while pushing stuff off a table stare at ceiling light.

Sun bathe sleep on dog bed, force dog to sleep on floor or sit and stare walk on car leaving trail of paw prints on hood and windshield. Caticus cuteicus kitty kitty groom yourself 4 hours - checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours - checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day - checked meowwww or under the bed ears back wide eyed. I am the best chase after silly colored fish toys around the house missing until dinner time stare at guinea pigs or spill litter box, scratch at owner, destroy all furniture, especially couch shove bum in owner's face like camera lens so toy mouse squeak roll over. I cry and cry and cry unless you pet me, and then maybe i cry just for fun knock over christmas tree pooping rainbow while flying in a toasted bread costume in space. Give me attention or face the wrath of my claws. Lick sellotape where is my slave? I'm getting hungry for playing with balls of wool so behind the couch. Pooping rainbow while flying in a toasted bread costume in space scream at teh bath yet milk the cow cats making all the muffins for bathe private parts with tongue then lick owner's face or sleep on keyboard, yet lies down . A nice warm laptop for me to sit on. Jump on human and sleep on her all night long be long in the bed, purr in the morning and then give a bite to every human around for not waking up request food, purr loud scratch the walls, the floor, the windows, the humans sun bathe sleep in the bathroom sink, hate dog.